By Abhey Singh (IIT Baba)
Original Article: 5. Attachment – Abhey Singh
What is attachment? At first glance, it seems simple—our connection to people, things, or ideas. But look deeper, and you will see that attachment is far more than just an emotional bond. It is a structure, a framework we unknowingly build around ourselves.
We attach because we seek comfort. We repeat because repetition feels safe. We own because ownership gives us a false sense of control. But in reality, attachment is a cage, a self-imposed limitation that keeps us from experiencing life as it truly is.
In this article, I will break down the nature of attachment, the way it shapes our identity, and how letting go of it leads to true freedom.
1. The Comfort of Repetition: How Attachment Begins
“Comfort in repetition is attachment. Repetition defines our current concept of ownership. Ownership is attachment.”
We find safety in what is familiar. The same daily routine, the same people, the same beliefs. This repetition creates a sense of ownership—“This is mine, this is who I am, this is my reality.”
But is it really?
When we attach to something—whether a possession, a person, or an idea—we are essentially trying to claim something outside ourselves as part of our identity. And in doing so, we define not just what we own, but also who we think we are.
Example:
Think of a person who always sits in the same spot in a café. The moment someone else takes their seat, they feel discomfort. Why? It is just a chair. But through repetition, they have attached their presence to that spot.
Attachment is not about the object. It is about the illusion that something external can define us.
2. The Two Errors of Attachment
“There are two fundamental errors: assuming our boundaries and trying to own what is not us.”
Attachment stems from two misconceptions:
- Defining a fixed boundary of “who I am.”
- Trying to own and control what is “not me.”
The first is a limitation. The second is an illusion.
We believe we are separate, that our identity is fixed and independent. But in reality, everything is interconnected. The moment we draw a boundary around ourselves—“This is me, that is not me”—we create an artificial division. And once that division is created, we start trying to pull things inside that boundary.
This is where attachment begins—an attempt to claim what was never separate to begin with.
Example:
A parent who tries to control their child’s future. They believe, “This child is mine. Their success or failure is my success or failure.” But is that true? The child is their own being, their own unfolding. The parent’s attachment is not love—it is a fear of losing control.
True connection comes from dissolving boundaries, not enforcing them.
3. Attachment vs. Love: The Illusion of Protection
“Attachment can never be love. Love lies in freedom, while attachment lies in restriction.”
Attachment disguises itself as care, as protection, as love. But attachment is fear, not love.
Love is allowing something to be as it is, to move as it must. Attachment is holding on, trying to shape and control.
Example:
A bird in a cage. Someone might say, “I keep it in the cage because I love it. I am protecting it.” But in reality, they are protecting themselves—from the fear of losing the bird.
A love that restricts is not love. It is possession.
4. Dependence vs. Co-Existence: Understanding the Difference
“Attachment is dependence. Dependence is different from co-existence.”
There is a difference between needing someone and sharing life with them.
- Dependence is when one cannot exist without the other.
- Co-existence is when both exist because of each other.
Dependence is one-sided. Co-existence is mutual. It is the realization that everything exists in relation to something else, not as separate entities.
Example:
The sun and the moon do not depend on each other, but they co-exist in a perfect balance. The moon reflects the sun’s light, the sun provides the energy that allows the cycle of day and night to exist.
One does not try to control the other. They simply are.
5. The Trap of Ownership: The More We Own, The More We Fear
“One wants to fill their own loneliness by owning. The more I own, the more I will have rights…but the more I own, the more fear I will have.”
Ownership does not bring security. It brings fear of loss.
The more we accumulate—possessions, people, power—the more we fear losing them. And this fear prevents us from enjoying what we have.
Example:
A billionaire who owns countless houses but cannot sleep peacefully because he fears losing his wealth. A person in a relationship who controls their partner out of fear of abandonment.
What we own, owns us.
6. The Complexity of Attachment in Love and Protection
“Attachment in the name of love, in the way of protection, is the most complex.”
The hardest attachments to break are the ones disguised as love.
- A parent restricting their child’s choices “for their own good.”
- A lover demanding control over their partner “to keep them safe.”
- A person clinging to a painful past “because it shaped who they are.”
Attachment makes us believe we are acting out of care, but in truth, we are acting out of fear—fear of loss, fear of change, fear of the unknown.
Example:
A tree does not tell its leaves how to grow. It provides the conditions for growth, but the leaf unfolds on its own. Love should be the same—offering space, not control.
“What is to be will be.”
7. The Ultimate Attachment: The Form of Being Human
“The most basic attachment is attachment to the human form. That’s the limitation that separates one from the infinite.”
Our greatest attachment is to ourselves—not just our thoughts, emotions, or identity, but to our very form. We see ourselves as separate, as human, as “me.”
This is the ultimate illusion. The final attachment.
Everything we experience is filtered through the form of being human—our senses, our memories, our logic. But what if we could let go of even that?
Example:
Imagine water taking the shape of whatever container it is poured into. It does not cling to any form. It simply flows.
We, too, are formless. Only our attachment keeps us confined to an identity, a name, a story.
8. The Last Realization: Letting Go of the Need to Know
“The only truth that can be known by the mind is where the boundary is, where the limitation is. This is what can happen by logic when the last attachment to knowing is removed.”
Our final attachment is to understanding.
We seek to define, to categorize, to measure. But truth is not found in knowing. It is found in being.
Example:
A person looking at a sunset. The moment they try to capture it, explain it, analyze it—it is lost. The only way to experience it fully is to simply be present.
The same is true for life. The moment we stop attaching to knowledge, to control, to identity—we become free.
Conclusion: Breaking Free from Attachment
Attachment is the illusion of ownership. The false belief that something outside us can define us, complete us, or belong to us. But nothing belongs to us—not people, not things, not even ourselves.
To let go of attachment is not to detach from life, but to finally experience it fully.
You do not need to own something to love it.
You do not need to hold onto something to cherish it.
You do not need to define yourself to exist.
You are already free. You just have to let go.
